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The Worthington ALC Insider
Volume 4, Issue 17 March 30, 2007
You know spring has sprung when… R …almost the whole ALC takes the first day of the quarter off. R …Mr. Knapp’s favorite phrase becomes, “Cover Up!” R …all winter clothes are 75% off at Wal-Mart. R …you hear the teenage boy mating call… THUMPING BASS! R …you catch Mrs. McAlister cruising the lake on her bike. R …the last bit of snow and ice finally disappears. R … all the guys take a new interest in the female students. R …on the drive to school your heat is on and on the way home your A/C is on. (Continued à) Animation from animationlibrary.com	R …the sound of birds chirping wakes you up before your alarm. R …the Wal-Mart garden center begins to “spring” up. R …you look out the window and you see the long lost color… GREEN! R …when that bright yellow thing up in the sky starts to reappear. R …the playgrounds are hopping. R …the Goth kids go from wearing combat boots and black pants with chains to wearing flip-flops and black shorts with chains. R …the lake gets surrounded by an endless stream of pedestrians. R …they prematurely turn off the heater at the ALC. R …you can smell who forgot to put on deodorant. R …the moped gangs are back on the prowl. R …it says so on the calendar DUH!

The ALC Insider March 30, 2007 page 2

Spring Break !!! By Ana Bergara & Agustin Spring Break for colleges everywhere started on or around March 12th and will end somewhere around March 31^st. Students from colleges all over the world choose this time to let their hair down and go crazy. With an almost unlimited supply of money from parents and financial aid, spring break becomes a festival of scandalous behavior. Just check out the spring break shows on MTV. During spring break clubs make a lot of money. Some beaches hire rappers and other performers to entertain and bring people to their beach. Spring break is something that these students will never forget, sometimes for bad reasons. Drinking too much alcohol is dangerous and often these students get hurt, are taken advantage of, or even kidnapped. (Continued à)

Groups of people often go together to celebrate spring break in places with the warmest temperatures and hottest parties. Some of the most popular spring break places are Daytona, Orlando, Key West and Panama City Beach in Florida, and South Padre Island in Texas. Cancun, Acapulco, Mazatlan, Nassau, Puerto Vallarta, the Bahamas and Montego Bay are popular foreign destinations. A lot of clubs in these places do a lot of crazy things just to get clients to buy their drinks and go to their clubs. Well, we all have a few years before we have to worry where to drink alcohol. But regardless of whether you are in Acapulco or in Worthington, be safe and make wise decisions on your spring break vacation.

The ALC Insider March 30, 2007 page 3

Warning: the following contains fictional information and should not be taken seriously. Did you see the vintage wrestling footage on the Galavision? It was cool, it featured Honduran pro wrestlers. But one wrestler stood out, Ray “El Profe” Lowry. He was the only white wrestler. It said he got so good by practicing on his Honduran students! Don’t believe me, check it out; he even has tattoos that say “El Profe.” Did you hear about Mrs. Lowe? Well my girlfriend’s, boyfriend’s, uncle’s, aunt’s, friend works at the hospital. She said that Mrs. Lowe is crazy, and not just a little. She escaped from a Tulsa, Oklahoma, mental hospital! Her husband is still there, but is trying to get her shipped back to Tulsa, to the safety of her padded room. Mr. Solt is looking forward to this because Mrs. Lowe says that Mr. Solt is her long lost father. Wow do they not check references around here!? (Continued à)

Ever wonder why Moser is so strict? Well I hear that she is no normal teacher, she is Sister Patricia from St. Benedict’s in Central Germany. She fell in love with a rich banker and ran away from the convent. The only safe place they could find was Worthington, Mn. Watch out for your knuckles, she likes to smack’em with rulers! I heard from a friend of a friend of a police officer that Mr. Stouth has a secret background. He is a spy! Yeah, haven’t you ever noticed that he is very careful with what he drinks or eats? It’s because there’s been a leak of his identity and he’s afraid that he can be poisoned. That’s why he only eats special military issued food and drinks. All I have to say is that Worthington is not a very good place to hide out. Things get around quick in this town! Just wait to hear what I heard about the other teachers. You’ll be able to find it in next week’s edition of The Insider. Remember: If you gossip at the ALC, Priscila will hear it and report it…..

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Ozzfest 2007 By Ulysses Duran Ozzfest is an annual music festival that tours across the United States and Europe. Ozzfest consists of heavy-metal and hard-rock musicians rocking out on multiple stages. This major event is organized by the legendary Ozzy Osborne, formally of ‘Black Sabbath, and his wife, the brains behind the music, Sharon Osborne. Ozzfest was started in 1996 after organizers of the well known music festival ‘Lollapalooza’ would not allow Ozzy to perform. Ozzy decided to start his own music festival. So with the help of his wife and the support of other musicians, Ozzfest was born. Not only was it born, it grew into a huge annual event! Ozzfest was taking off and in 1998 the Osbornes decided to expand beyond the borders of the United States. The festival encountered some minor problems, but they continued expanding. In 2002, Ozzfest expanded its borders into European countires such as Germany, the UK, and Finland. Ozzy Osbourne himself performs at every Ozzfest. This is amazing because he is getting up there in the years. The rest of the Ozzfest line-up changes every year and has had such performers as Pantera, Slipknot, Marilyn Manson, Strapping Young Lad, Atreyu, Trivium, Black Label Society, Otep, God Forbid, Devil Driver, Cradle Of Filth, Lamb Of God, Rob Zombie, Linkin Park, Slayer, Tool, Powerman 5000, Lacuna Coil, and Disturbed. (Continued à)

It’s almost time for Ozzfest 2007 Ozzfest has two stages, a main stage and the secondary stage. The main stage usually consists of well know bands such as Ozzy himself and other headlining bands such as Avenged Sevenfold, Disturbed, and System of the Down. The second stage usually consists of less known, up-and-coming bands, such as Atreyu, Bleeding Through, and Strapping Young Lad. Earlier this year, Sharon Osbourne stated in an interview that for 2007, Ozzfest would become Freefest, and all shows will be free. She said this is because the price of tickets had been climbing and she wanted the concerts to be accessible for everybody. There are many ways to make money at a festival besides tickets, and Sharon Osborne is a master merchandiser. The lineup for this year’s Ozzfest has not yet been set, but I think it’s safe to say that 2007 will be an amazing year for Ozzfest. Recently on Ozzfest’s official website, the tour dates were posted and are ready to view. It is also a good place to check to see who is signing on. If you get a chance check it out.

The ALC Insider March 30, 2007 page 5
This week’s crazy news By Priscilla Garcia In Boulder, Colorado, a man escaped with cookies and $40.25 in change after passing Girl Scouts a counterfeit $50 bill last week at an Albertson’s store. A mom that was helping the girls called the police when she realized that the bill was a fake. He got away with some Thin Mints, Do-Si-Dos, and Tagalongs. A woman in central Florida is accused of taking three naked teenaged boys into a hot tub. If that isn’t crazy enough, get this: Her husband, a fire department chief, was watching. The world could have a new vaccine designed to kill the AIDS virus in as little as three to four years according to an Atlanta- (Continued à)	based group working on the vaccine. Scientists have been working on this vaccine for 15 years but have kept quiet until now. A concerned parent contacted KTEN news in Sherman, Texas, after hearing that the local Chuck E. Cheese franchise applied for a permit to sell alcohol. You might have heard the slogan for Chuck E. Cheese "Where a Kid can be a Kid", and that's what this restaurant has been geared towards…kids. But according to KTEN, 70% of Chuck E Cheese establishments now sell liquor! Police are trying to find a blonde woman who tried to steal a catfish dinner in Bulls Gap, Tennessee, on Friday. Witnesses say that when the woman was confronted she threw the catfish at the employee. Now the police have their work cut out for them in finding this woman and charging her with “assault with a deadly catfish.”
Art by David Miranda

The ALC Insider March 30, 2007 page 6

By Tasha B.

Aries- (March 21- April 19)

Today is your lucky day. You will run into a group of partying aliens. You will have the time of your life.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

After the aliens are done partying they will come after you. My advice would be to run.

Gemini (May 21- June 20)

After the aliens are done chasing down the Taurus, they will ask if they can stay the night at your house. Better let them stay…

Cancer (June 21-July 22)

When the aliens awake they will come looking for you. Sorry I don’t know what they want, but you will find out shortly.

Leo (July 23 – Aug 22)

The aliens will ask you to help them terrorize people. Deny them politely and will leave. Make a scene they will turn you into dust.

Virgo (August 23 –September 22)

The aliens are very interested in trying some earth food. They will ask you to take them out. They don’t take kindly to “no.”

Libra (Sep 23- Oct 22)

After the aliens are full they will try to terrorize the earth again. It will be your job to try and stop them. Aliens can sense when they are about to be attacked.

Scorpio (Oct 23- Nov 21)

The aliens want to hide out in your house. If you value your house and don’t want it to be destroyed, lock your doors and hide.

Sagittarius (Nov 22- Dec 21)

You will need to repair the alien’s spacecraft so they can leave. Repair the space craft in secret or angry villagers will want to tear you apart.

Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19)

The aliens like corn. Go to the park with a bunch of corn. They will take it as a peace offering and spare your life.

Aquarius (Jan 20- Feb 18)

As a strong person, you must convince the aliens to leave. The fate of earth is left in your hands.

Pisces (Feb 19-March 20)

If Aquarius is successful with talking the aliens into leaving, you will need to guide the aliens to their ship. Otherwise you must flee. Run very, very far and do not stop until you have reached the other side of the earth. You may be safe there.

Separated at Birth

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